I am so nervous. Shaking in my boots nervous. I have a doctors appointment/check-up and it's with a new doctor. I guess I should mention that I am a type one diabetic..
I have my first appointment with my new endocrinologist and she wanted me to get my blood tested. I thought it was a regular old A1C check, so they would only draw one vial of blood, not a big deal. Man was I wrong. I went into the local lab where my doctor had sent the request form and the technician told me that I had to come back tomorrow morning because one of the six or seven blood tests was a fasting blood test... what the hell is that? I have this feeling my A1C will have also risen since the last time I got it check, and I am now going to work my ass off the get it down (not that I haven't already been trying)
Oh, did I mention that I am going to this appointment alone, for the first time in twelve years?
On a happier note, I have a job interview on Wednesday. That's all I am going to say, because I have become superstitious about telling so many people, although I guess by posting it on the web I am telling the entire world. The only people that know about it are my family, and now, anyone that reads this. I haven't posted it all over Facebook or Tumblr, so my 200-something friends and 37 followers don't know about it.
Cross your fingers for me, hopefully this week is a good one!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Friday, September 30, 2011
Scared to Death
I have done nothing again today. Woke up, ate some breakfast, drank some coffee, watched some TV, scrolled through Craigslist, watched some more TV, showered. See, nothing.
I am currently unemployed, and hating every minute of it. But there is also this part of me that likes it. My parents absolutely hate it, the fact that I sit around all day doing nothing.
Want to know a secret? There is another part of me that is terrified at the thought of getting a job, not the making money part, but the change part. I have found that I am scared to death of change, and I don't know why. I think I am scared because the thought of going to be interviewed also scares me, not the talking face to face with people, but employers seeing my resume. I have no job experience, but lots of volunteer work. And when I say lots, I mean lots! The entire second page of my resume is volunteer work.
I'm afraid of what employers are going to think of a seventeen year old that has no job experience, I know it's alright, because I am a student and all but my all my friends have or have held some kind of job, and when they ask me how I'm doing and find out I still don't have a job, I can practically smell the judgement coming off them.
My mom's boss told me one day when I was in her office that he had a friend that never went to get a really job until we was in his mid-twenties. He was wealthier and went from high school straight into four years of post-seconday and his parents paid for everything.
That is not going to be me! I actually hope to be living with a roommate or on my own at that age.
Dear God, I have got to stop complaining!
I am currently unemployed, and hating every minute of it. But there is also this part of me that likes it. My parents absolutely hate it, the fact that I sit around all day doing nothing.
Want to know a secret? There is another part of me that is terrified at the thought of getting a job, not the making money part, but the change part. I have found that I am scared to death of change, and I don't know why. I think I am scared because the thought of going to be interviewed also scares me, not the talking face to face with people, but employers seeing my resume. I have no job experience, but lots of volunteer work. And when I say lots, I mean lots! The entire second page of my resume is volunteer work.
I'm afraid of what employers are going to think of a seventeen year old that has no job experience, I know it's alright, because I am a student and all but my all my friends have or have held some kind of job, and when they ask me how I'm doing and find out I still don't have a job, I can practically smell the judgement coming off them.
My mom's boss told me one day when I was in her office that he had a friend that never went to get a really job until we was in his mid-twenties. He was wealthier and went from high school straight into four years of post-seconday and his parents paid for everything.
That is not going to be me! I actually hope to be living with a roommate or on my own at that age.
Dear God, I have got to stop complaining!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Midlife Crisis?
I'm eighteen. Actually, not yet. I will be eighteen in ten day though, and I feel like I am having a midlife crisis already, even though I have hardly lived my life; therefore the thought of a midlife crisis seems impossible.
I looked it up, the definition of what a midlife crisis is. Did you know there is a band called Midlife Crisis? Neither did I. Google defines it as: an emotional crisis of identity and self-confidence that can occur in early middle age. I feel like that describes me perfectly. I know, as a young adult it's perfectly normal to have no idea who you are. But I really have no idea who I am. All my friends have gone of to college and university and have some idea of where they want to go or what they want to be. I don't.
Put it this way, if you were to ask me where I saw myself in ten years I wouldn't be able to really give you an answer. Honestly, in ten years all I want to be is happy. That's all I can picture. I can't picture myself sitting behind a desk, or answering phones, or writing articles, or taking pictures. All I can see is me, standing, more like floating in this bright blurry space. There is nothing to give me any hint of where I am, no walls or windows, no defining features, I'm not even standing on solid ground.
Like I said, all my friends are off at post-secondary school studying and partying and having fun, and I'm at home doing nothing. I don't even have a job (although I am working very hard to get one). Did I mention, I'm not going to school? Not yet at least, I'm signed up to go in January.
Now I know I am young, and still have a long full life ahead of me, but I guess what I really want to know is; Is it possible to have a midlife crisis at eighteen... Seventeen?
I looked it up, the definition of what a midlife crisis is. Did you know there is a band called Midlife Crisis? Neither did I. Google defines it as: an emotional crisis of identity and self-confidence that can occur in early middle age. I feel like that describes me perfectly. I know, as a young adult it's perfectly normal to have no idea who you are. But I really have no idea who I am. All my friends have gone of to college and university and have some idea of where they want to go or what they want to be. I don't.
Put it this way, if you were to ask me where I saw myself in ten years I wouldn't be able to really give you an answer. Honestly, in ten years all I want to be is happy. That's all I can picture. I can't picture myself sitting behind a desk, or answering phones, or writing articles, or taking pictures. All I can see is me, standing, more like floating in this bright blurry space. There is nothing to give me any hint of where I am, no walls or windows, no defining features, I'm not even standing on solid ground.
Like I said, all my friends are off at post-secondary school studying and partying and having fun, and I'm at home doing nothing. I don't even have a job (although I am working very hard to get one). Did I mention, I'm not going to school? Not yet at least, I'm signed up to go in January.
Now I know I am young, and still have a long full life ahead of me, but I guess what I really want to know is; Is it possible to have a midlife crisis at eighteen... Seventeen?
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